"One Month to Live" Day 7

Dreams...
If I had read this chapter backwards I could have saved myself alot of grief. After reading the first two pages of Day 7 I almost put the book down...frustrated, upset, disappointed..."why don't I have dreams?",I thought. "Am I really that boring?" It wasn't until I got to the end of the chapter that I felt hopeful and could put my finger on what dreams are inside of me and that they were put there by God.

Let me back up...was it coincidental that the same day the message at church was about passion, the chapter read in "One Month to Live" is about dreams? Probably not. I personally feel like the two are closely related. What are you passionate about? What are your dreams? Chances are, you are passionate about whatever your dreams are about.

On the way home from church this morning I told Jacoby (almost in tears), "I don't know what I am passionate about". When he asked me why, I confessed, "Probably because I have done nothing but take care of others for the last 8 years". Okay, I know your feelings are hurt....next time I throw a pity party I will definetly invite you!!!

Kerry states in chapter 7 "God has put us here for a reason and planted dreams within us so we can do our part in seeing them realized."I actually never knew dreams were from God until I read that. I guess I just thought it was something YOU wanted for YOURSELF. Of course He gives us dreams, He is the giver of ALL things good. I can't believe I never thought about it that way before! But today (before I read)I really sat there and thought long and hard and had decided...."I never have had any dreams!!!" Oh, come on! God has never forgotten about me, like EVER, why would he leave me out on this one?

So after all day of thinking, praying, reflecting on years gone by (trying to scrounge up one dream I may have had when I was younger), pouting, reading and re-reading the chapter (I read it three times trying to find some clarity).... IT HIT ME!! A moment of genius-followed by a moment of disappointment. I had thought of a dream of mine, that I NOW KNOW, God placed there!! Exciting stuff huh? And then I thought,"I can't believe it took me this long to think of that...I have always known I wanted to do that!!" I just never knew it was from God. That was my dilemma. That was the hold up...the road block....(gasp) the Rocky Road block. (Any of you reading the book just got that!) ;-) I have figured out what my dream is, learned that it is from God and figured out how Satan is trying to sabotage it...by hiding it and lying about where it comes from.

So my dream is writing and/or public speaking. I have always liked being "read" and being heard. I like to share what I am feeling. I like the fact that what I have to say might encourage ONE person. I love knowing that what God has done and is doing in my life will help others if it is shared. And the dream has ALWAYS been there, just on a different scale. As a child I wanted to write movies and be an actress. It's really the same thing...Now I just want to tell God's story in my life for the salvation of others and not someone else's life story for entertainment of others. And that's the part that confirms it is from Him.

And Kerry is right....dreams do float. My dream has never left. It has always been there. It consistently resurfaces. And God repeatedly sends people my way to encourage my dreams. In fact He did it just TODAY! Today before He spoke a message to me about passion and before He gave me words to read about dreams, He had one of His children encourage me in my dreams, when I didn't even know what it was!!! Okay I know how awesome He is, but He just continues to knock my socks off!

After all this soul searching, I don't know that I am "ready" to tackle this dream at this point in my life...so I loved the part where Kerry said,"Abraham was told by God that he would be the father of a great nation. He was 99 before he had a child. Moses became the leader to guide Jewish people out of slavery in Egypt, but first God sent him to the desert to tend sheep for 40 years. Even Jesus Christ waited 30 years before He began His ministry on Earth. Why does God send everyone through the waiting room of life? I believe it's because He wants us to learn to rely on Him. God is preparing us to fulfill the dream by teaching us to trust Him. While we are waiting, we learn that He is right there with us and promises that "never will I leave you or forsake you". We may not understand what God is doing at the time, but we can always trust His heart."

So what if I have been taking care of others for eight years....that's peanuts to Moses! And I know God is just preparing me, now and during these last eight years, to do bigger work than I could have ever done or imagined on my own. You have to admit...He has been giving me some good material to speak or write on these last 8 years, huh?

So here is the risk I am willing to take NOW! I am willing to step out in my faith and be doing some writing and some speaking...anything he sends my way...let's see what happens.

So I hope this has inspired you to figure out what that dream is that is hiding in you. What is it? How can you start living that dream today? What would you attempt to do for God if you knew you could not fail?

MOMENTS FROM TODAY I WOULD NOT MISS IF I ONLY HAD "ONE MONTH TO LIVE":
-DEACON'S FIRST ASSISTED STEPS
-TEACHING BRAYDON HOW TO WRITE...HE IS VERY PROUD OF HIS D'S...SO AM I!

"One Month to Live" Day 5

Okay I am gonna go straight into the part that I feel was speaking loudest to me. PHYSICAL HEALTH...Not that I am perfect spiritually, emotionally, or relationally, in fact I am far from it but I do feel overall healthy in those areas. And please know that is not a pat on MY back. God has been so gracious to me in those areas.

Physical health, I sturggle with. The whole time I was reading Day 5 I thinking of two of my good friends, Melissa Doddridge and Vicki Miller. Just over 80 days ago these two ladies asked God to take over their lives physically and give them "real power" to do what they knew was best for them. Since that day God has made a way for them to devote one full hour to exercise DAILY. Okay, some of you may be thinking..."That is not THAT complicated, it's just an hour, God doesn't necessarily have to intervine to make that happen". Well each of these ladies are busy moms to FOUR children, they homeschool their children (which equals kids on top of you ALL DAY) and have husbands who are either working from home (which can sometimes mean more work when it comes to meal times....let's face it, hubbys don't like corny dogs and mac n cheese for lunch!) or working out of town for multiple days at a time. They are busy overwhelmed momas just like the rest of us who don't have time to "take care of ourselves". But when they really just gave it to GOD and gave it their all, they could do it! And they could have done it all along...they just needed to trade in "willpower" for "REAL POWER".

Okay.....so what is my excuse? The closest thing I have done to physical activity in the last 9 months has been asking Jacoby where the resistance bands are? (Besides clean my house and that doesn't really count because I am not doing it for physical benefit). I was using the busy, homeschool mom whose husband works alot excuse until Melissa and Vicki blew is out of the water! In my defense I do eat healthy about 75% of the time, but to be honest...I do that more for my husband and kids. Why is it that we moms care more about our kids bodies than our own? We would never treat our chilrens bodies the way we do ours!

So now that I know, all I have to do is stop making excuses and ask God to help me trade in my "willpower" for His "real power", its time to make a change! I don't have a plan in action other than just simply asking and connecting myself to the source....lets see what we can make happen?

MOMENTS FROM TODAY I WOULD NOT HAVE MISSED IF I ONLY HAD ONE MONTH TO LIVE...
-THE BOYS DANCING BEFORE BED
-THE BOYS ROUGH-HOUSING WITH DADDY (IN OUR HOUSE WE CALL IT "RUFFIN")
-DEACON'S FIRST STRAWBERRY

Medical update on Braydon...

Braydon is scheduled to see a nuero-opthamologist and undergo two MRI's Feb. 28th-March 2nd. This will answer questions about the enlarged left pupil. Please be praying for it to be NOTHING or God to have already taken care of whatever is WAS!

Today we went to visit Dr. Carl Childress in Longview. He is a Nuero-opthamologist and we have just heard amazing things about him. He does something called vision therapy. We feel like we left there with a very clear, accurate, positive but new diagnosis. Braydon has convergence insufficiency. He basically has some double vision and his eyes are not working "together" they work independently, hence the reason reading and hand-writing has been so hard for us! We just know that GOD led us to the right doctor through a friend. We have searched high and low for answers and asked Him to help us....and we know this is HIM! The doctor said so himself....Dr. Childress said, "We really feel like each patient that ends up in this chair was led hear by the Lord".....AND HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW OUR STORY! That was enough for me!!! Please keep praying for great results as Braydon's does vision therapy over the next 6 weeks.

"One Month to Live" Day 4

One of my favorite things Kerry said on todays lesson was,

"Often we ask Him to bless us and make our lives more fruitful-our families, our businesses, our finances. But rarely do we like the pruning process we must endure for our prayers to be answered."

And since God doesn't ever like something I need to hear slip by me....he told me TWICE! This week Braydon is studying the story of Noah's Ark. Today we watched "Evan Almighty" with Steve Carrell which is a modern day twist on the story but still gives the basic story line and focuses on the real meaning of the story...Being faithful to what GOD says even when everything you can SEE with your eyes says something different. How is that for a faith-risk? Man, something inside of me just silently wished he won't give me a faith-risk that big to tackle in this thrity days! LOL.

Anyhow....in the movie, while "Evan"(modern day Noah)is following GOD's instruction because at this point every thread of his being just has to...his wife on the other hand is thinking..."ok, he is losing it...he is embarrassing....he is ruining our lives, he's gonna lose his job, our house, etc." And when she shares how she feels with a waiter in a restaurant, GOD speaks through him when he says,

"It sounds like an opportunity to me. When you ask God for more patience, He doesn't bless you with more patience-he gives you more situations to be patient in. When you ask God for more courage, He doesn't instantly give you more courage-he gives you more chances to be couragous. And when you ask God for a closer more loving family, he doesn't give you warm and fuzzy feelings right then-but gives you opportunities to love each other."

Ah yes, pruning. When we ask, we always receive, but not in the way we think we should, but in the way that produces more and better quality fruit!

So what is it you have asked God for that you've expected him to magically fix for you and didn't want to go through the pruning process? Are you in the pruning process now?

For us, we are in the pruning process with our finances. We asked GOD for more, we prayed... "by whatever means necessary Lord help us to get out of debt so that we can be better stewards and serve you!" He answered us LOUD AND CLEAR. If you ever want to know what God has done there...Just ask! We are still in the process but feel like we are nearing the end of it. And He has truly shaped our tree. We are the branches and He is the vine, and we should soon be producing fruit!

MOMENTS FROM TODAY THAT I DEFINETLY WOULD NOT MISS IF I ONLY HAD "ONE MONTH TO LIVE"...JACOBY AND BRAYDON PLAYING IN THE RAIN AND DEACON JUST BEING CUTE!!! ENJOY!!!

"One Month to Live" Day 3...

Time...generally (outside of the computer thing)I am a good user of time. I tend to in most situations make the most out of time, making plans for how and when to do things so that my day and my "to-dos" go smoothly and all gets taken care of. I even complete most of my tasks ahead of time. It's not uncommon for me to be ahead of schedule on lots of things. For instance, I ususally plan my children's birthday parties 4 months before the big day so that I am not rushed. I book hotel stays for medical things at least a month ahead of time. I lay out everyone's clothes and put toothpaste on everyone's toothbrush and lay breakfast dishes out the night before (thanks to Ms. Dee on this one). I feel better, more accomplished and less stressed when I plan my "time" well.
I know it must sound like I get lots of busy work done. I do tend to be more of a Martha than a Mary. Overall though I don't feel like I am a "time-waster" of any sorts. I know that I am taking care of things I am supposed to be taking care of and they are all directly related to the things that bring me joy....my husband, children, family, friends and God. I know that I devote quality time to these important people in my life. And I think that is the very reason I experience JOY daily!!!

If feels good to know I am on the right track in this area! :-)

"IF YOU WASTE YOUR TIME YOU WASTE YOUR LIFE"

What things if any do you waste time on? What keeps you from using that time doing something more worthy?

"One Month to Live" Day 2....

Today was more "challenging" for us.....no pun intended. Being a risk taker is something a little foreign in this house. I think this is true for many "families". You have kids, you settle down, everything becomes routine and you stop taking risks. You stop taking physical risks (your family needs you), you stop taking financial risk (your family can't afford to), You stop taking spritual risks (your family.....WAIT A MINUTE!!!)...why can't you take spiritual risks with a family? You can!!!! We are the ones who for whatever reasons don't. I'll be the first to admit it. I don't take many spiritual risks. I come into troubles, I pray, I trust God, I move forward, repeat. That is BOR-ING! It's good....prayer is good, trusting God is good, moving forward is good. But there is SO MUCH MORE!
When we came to our "make it count moment" today I told Jacoby I just don't really feel like I have the opportunity to be bold in my faith. I can't think of one situation God has placed me in to take a risk. He has put me in a place to trust Him fully but not just take a risk and go all out for something he has wanted me to do. I was pretty bummed about that. And then I thought....well I haven't exactly asked Him to do that either. So that is what I am doing now and praying for now. I want Him to give me that chance...that opportunity.....to do something BIG for His kingdom. I don't know what it will be or what it will look like but my eyes and ears are open.
One of the questions I was able to answer today was...
"What is your symbol or metaphor to describe what your life would look like if you were fully engaged?My picture is of an ocean. If I was fully engaged, I would be like the ocean...powerful, constantly moving forward, nothing could stop me.
So what picture or symbol would your life look like if you were fully engaged?

"One Month to Live".....

Last night Jacoby and I attended the "One Month to Live" event and read day one of our book. In the discussion questions we chose what five things we would change if we only had one month to live....then we picked one to follow through with this week. Mine is my bedtime. After my children go to bed and my husband is at work I often spend any where from 4-6 hours cleaning house, talking on the the phone, on the computer (ahem, primarily Facebook). And lots of days I am running on 4-6 hours of sleep from the night before. I sit down to the computer at 8 pm and the next thing I know it is midnight! Well that is changing. Let's face it....If I had 30 days to live, I would not be spending so much time on the computer. I would sleep when my family sleeps so that I could be well rested and be my best self for them the next day! So no more computer time for me at night. And my flesh is weak, so I have posted a HOT PINK piece of card stock on my computer that says, "NO FACEBOOK AFTER DARK". So I am challenging myself to take it a step further and not getting on Facebook at all. At least for the next thirty days....maybe longer! Who knows what God is gonna do here!?!?!?

SO FOR THOSE OF YOU TAKING THE "ONE MONTH TO LIVE" CHALLENGE...WHAT DID GOD CHALLENGE YOU TO CHANGE THIS WEEK?

Worry about nothing, be prayerful in everything....

Today we took Braydon to the eye doctor for his regular routine eye exam. This is just to make sure there is no pressure and swelling on the optic nerve due to the nuerological disorder (Psuedotumor Cerebri) he was diagnosed with in Mar 2005, shortly after he was diagnosed with cancer.

Today his opthamologist noticed that his left pupil was bigger than his right pupil and had never noted that before in his charts. She wanted us to call our nuerologist (Dr. Slopis at MD Anderson) and make an appt with him to follow up. Of course being a concerned mom I asked what this means/could possibly mean, any more info she had. She informed me that in infants (who may have been born that way) and in people with medical histories/nuero problems (which of course Braydon does, etc. it could mean nothing. But if this is something that has recently happened it COULD be a sign of a lesion on that side of the brain or something of that nature.

SO... just please be prayerful over Braydon right now with us.
WE ARE NOT WORRYING IN ANYTHING BUT BEING PRAYERFUL IN EVERYTHING!!!!

He's a HEALER...

This is a conversation I had with Braydon today:

Me: What is your favorite thing God created?
Braydon: A leopard.
M: Why?
B: Because he healed them.
M: He did?
B: Yeah.
M: Healed them from what?
B: He healed their spots!

Preciousness!!!!!!!!

At the end of the day:

At the end of the day God shows us just a small glimpse of his majesty...These pictures were taken on the land we live on now in Winnsboro.