When you need it most....

When you need it most....whatever it is....HE gives it! He is the giver of all things good!

Yesterday morning was rough, by 10 am Braydon was already having his third seizure of the day. I was trying to get school accomplished with him. And because yesterday was our 4th day in a row of school, I was actually feeling like we might accomplish a whole week of school. It's been a while since we have done that! We got about 6 minutes of reading under our belt when the third seizure started. This happens alot. It sometimes seems like reading and doing school work brings them on. But then he also has them at random times, as well as, when he is tired. So I can't relate them solely to school work.

Seeing that many seizures in one day (he actually had 7 by the end of the day) is just tough and frustrating...for all of us. I think the frustration was amplified just by knowing we are now on our third anti-seizure medication and we have seen no changes in the seizure activity.

Feeling so "put out" with this whole nightmare that has last almost 8 months now, I layed Braydon down in his bed (we always lay him down because he gets very dizzy and disoriented during the seizures-so that is the best way to keep him from getting hurt), I then proceeded to walk into the kitchen where Jacoby was and said (insert painful and embarrassing honesty here) "I am so sick of the shit he is having to go through. Why him? Why so much? I don't get it and I'm just pissed off at all of this." Of course Jacoby tried to encourage me and remind me that God has a plan and even though it's hard to see right now we have got to just hang on. I didn't say anything but I was thinking "yeah, yeah, whatever".

Braydon calls me from his room. "Momaaaaaaa?" I come in and lay down on the bed with him fighting back tears.

Braydon: "Read me a book Moma."
Me: "No, let's just lay here together"
B: "But mom I want to read that book"
M: "Braydon Moma just wants to lay with you"
B: "MOMA!" (he gets up and walks to his bookshelf) "This book! This is the book I wanna read!"
M: (aggravated) "Okaaaaay..."

The book he pulled out we haven't read in...I would say about a year. Last time we read it was when we lived in Sulphur Springs. There is no way he remembered the message of the book. Nor did he see or hear my weak moment in the kitchen.

I begin to read:

"Emma and Mommy talk to God by Marianne Williamson."

Every Morning, Emma and Mommy talk to god. "Thank you God" is what they say. "Thank you for the flowers. Thank you for the trees. Thank you for the rain. Thank you for the sky."

One morning when Emma was getting dressed, she asked, "Where do I come from Mommy?" "From God sweetheart" said her mother. God loves you very much and He loves Mommy too, so He sent you to Mommy so we could be together."

"Mommy" said Emma, "who is God?" "God is all the love in the world, said Mommy, "He in you and in me and in everybody everywhere."

That night, Emma had a dream about an angel. The angel said,"Emma, God has sent you to earth. He is always with you. He is in your heart. He will always be there to take care of you and tell you what to do whenever you have a question."

The next morning Emma asked Mommy what the angel had meant. Mommy said, "The angel was telling you to trust God, Emma. God is always with us. Everyday tell God how you feel. God always hears you and sees you, darling. Whenever you need anything, just ask God for help. Everyday tell him how much you love him. That's what it means to pray to God."

The rest of the book is very good, but you see what was happening. He had reminded me that He is at work and in control, even when it is impossible to see. He cares, He listens, and He knows. If nothing else, it's given me strength and patience to hold on for a while longer and wait on His timing.

Please be praying with us for an answer to this problem....by medicine or miracle...Braydon will be healed.....AGAIN!

Update on Braydon...

We went to MD Anderson last week. Braydon had a follow up appt. with the Neurology team and an EEG. Physically he checked out fine. During the EEG, he had an active seizure, which is great because it gave us lots of information. It showed that the seizures lasted from 14 to 70 seconds. That's considerable for this type of seizures. His doctor also thinks that "maybe" his seizures aren't related to the scar tissue on the brain from brain surgery 5 years ago (which is what we originally thought) but actually may be hereditary (my grandmother and Jacoby's aunt, cousin and brother all had seizures). This DOES NOT decrease the chance of them going away as he gets older, but actually increases the chance. So that is good news. His seizures do seem to be getting longer and more frequent especially since we took him off his last two medications. We took him off the meds because the were not helping with the seizures (he was still having 4 to 5 a day) and because of yucky side effects (anger, confusion, withdrawel). We are now trying another medication (Depakote) with hopes and prayers going up that it works. We are also praying for no or minimal side effects. Please be praying with us. Updates as they happen!

Around our house...

I feel especially blessed to live where I do....some days it just hits me. I'm thankful my children are living on 10 acres where they can run and play in God's beauty! Pictures from around our house:

A beautiful sky:

Cedar trees:

Beautiful flowers:

Just passin through:

Sunflowers Braydon and I planted together:

Crosses on the pine trees just before Easter:

More beautiful flowers:

Mud trails and puppy dog tails....

THATS what MY little boys are made of this week. Every night this weekend we have been outside. The weather has been wonderful (after 7pm-before that is too hot!!!). My boys have LOVED filling a dirt hole with water and playing in the mud and rocks. They have pushed each other in the "little red car" and played soccer with "Skippy" (our dog). It's been so much fun. Those days are nice when you can just "play" because there is nothing else to be done (at least we will say there isn't....I'm sure my sink full of dishes would disagree!) Enjoy the pics!

A new perspective...

It's been 14 years since I have been to church camp and now I have a totally new perspecitve of it. I would still use the same three words to describe it though. SO MUCH FUN!!! I've always known that some of my best memories ever were from the two youth church camps I went to. One trip I took in the 7th grade to Gunnison, Colorado. We went white water rafting which was a unforgettable experience. Of course lots of things can be an unforgettable experience when you are as graceful as I am. I flipped off the raft before the guide finished giving instructions and rules. The second one I went on was a choir trip with First Baptist Church my sophomore year. That trip was so fun for me. I remember being beyond silly and having the greatest time with five of my best friends.

Now church camp to me is still so fun and rewarding, but in a whole new way! I was a camp counselor this year and my group consisted of 10 kindergarten through 2nd grade students. So for the first time ever church camp was a lot of work and responsibility. I honestly don't know how the Duggar's keep up with 20 kids because I about lost my mind counting off 10 kids about every five minutes to make sure I had them all. And I even had two other adult helpers. It was all we could do to keep them together. This camp was by far the most rewarding as well. To see kids grow in Jesus and in their friendships with each other is such a blessing. Now, sometimes that growing meant "gettin an understandin" about some things. LOL. Our week was not drama free but the joyful times completely outweighed our stressful times.

We just had such a great group of kids....AND BRAVE!!! They did things I have never done! These 5,6, and 7 year olds were doing zip lines, a mud pit, target shooting, creek walking all kinds of great stuff. There is truly nothing better than seeing the joy and excitement on their faces when they accomplished something new.

The highlight of the trip was being able to be with Braydon the whole week and be his camp counselor. I got to watch him do all of these new things and he had so much fun.

A few things about Braydon that I got to see this week....some of them I knew, some I got to see for the first time:

-Braydon cherishes his friendships and his friends are very important to him. He would never risk losing a friendship over something small.
-He never complains about any activities...he's just glad to be having fun with his friends.
-Braydon is not afraid of anything. He participated in every activity...no questions asked.
-Braydon is often a step behind other kids his age, but it doesn't bother him one bit. He seems to not even notice. For this I am thankful.
-Braydon is very passive in social situations but not at home.

Enjoy a few pictures from the week. It was one of the most fun and rewarding times of my life as a mom. AND I'M EXHAUSTED!!!! I'm off to bed!

Fun on the 4th...

THIS FOURTH OF JULY HOLIDAY WAS PROBABLY THE BEST ONE EVER. WE ALL HAD SO MUCH FUN. IT WAS A BAD LUCK WEEKEND FOR US AND WE HAD SEVERAL MISHAPS BUT THROUGH IT ALL WE WERE SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND THAT MADE IT THE BEST EVER!!!

ON SATURDAY THE 3RD WE CELEBRATED WITH OUR FRIENDS THE MILLER'S AND JONES' WITH A MEAL AND GREAT DESSERT AND PLAYING SOME GAMES, THEN WE LOADED UP (ALL 14 OF US) AND WENT TO THE SQUARE TO WATCH THE FIREWORKS. WE HAD A GREAT TIME!!!






ON SUNDAY THE 4TH WE CELEBRATED AT WAYNE AND JANIE CALDWELL'S HOUSE WITH ABOUT 150 FRIENDS AND ACQUAINTANCES. WE HAD GREAT FOOD AND GREAT FUN AND THE BEST FIREWORKS SHOW I'VE EVER SEEN!!

Update on Braydon...

Braydon is staying busy and having lots of fun this summer. Unfortunatly, his seizures have not stopped or even slowed down. And we are dealing with a fe w side effects from the medicine. We go back to MD Anderson on July 15th with hopefully some positive changes in meds ahead! Other than that he is doing just fine. Well honestly even with the seizures he is doing just fine....it's just frusterating for us all. He is doing two hours a week with a reading tutor and continues to improve in that area. Keep praying about seizures and schoolwork. We know God has answers and we are just waiting on His timing.