When you need it most....

When you need it most....whatever it is....HE gives it! He is the giver of all things good!

Yesterday morning was rough, by 10 am Braydon was already having his third seizure of the day. I was trying to get school accomplished with him. And because yesterday was our 4th day in a row of school, I was actually feeling like we might accomplish a whole week of school. It's been a while since we have done that! We got about 6 minutes of reading under our belt when the third seizure started. This happens alot. It sometimes seems like reading and doing school work brings them on. But then he also has them at random times, as well as, when he is tired. So I can't relate them solely to school work.

Seeing that many seizures in one day (he actually had 7 by the end of the day) is just tough and frustrating...for all of us. I think the frustration was amplified just by knowing we are now on our third anti-seizure medication and we have seen no changes in the seizure activity.

Feeling so "put out" with this whole nightmare that has last almost 8 months now, I layed Braydon down in his bed (we always lay him down because he gets very dizzy and disoriented during the seizures-so that is the best way to keep him from getting hurt), I then proceeded to walk into the kitchen where Jacoby was and said (insert painful and embarrassing honesty here) "I am so sick of the shit he is having to go through. Why him? Why so much? I don't get it and I'm just pissed off at all of this." Of course Jacoby tried to encourage me and remind me that God has a plan and even though it's hard to see right now we have got to just hang on. I didn't say anything but I was thinking "yeah, yeah, whatever".

Braydon calls me from his room. "Momaaaaaaa?" I come in and lay down on the bed with him fighting back tears.

Braydon: "Read me a book Moma."
Me: "No, let's just lay here together"
B: "But mom I want to read that book"
M: "Braydon Moma just wants to lay with you"
B: "MOMA!" (he gets up and walks to his bookshelf) "This book! This is the book I wanna read!"
M: (aggravated) "Okaaaaay..."

The book he pulled out we haven't read in...I would say about a year. Last time we read it was when we lived in Sulphur Springs. There is no way he remembered the message of the book. Nor did he see or hear my weak moment in the kitchen.

I begin to read:

"Emma and Mommy talk to God by Marianne Williamson."

Every Morning, Emma and Mommy talk to god. "Thank you God" is what they say. "Thank you for the flowers. Thank you for the trees. Thank you for the rain. Thank you for the sky."

One morning when Emma was getting dressed, she asked, "Where do I come from Mommy?" "From God sweetheart" said her mother. God loves you very much and He loves Mommy too, so He sent you to Mommy so we could be together."

"Mommy" said Emma, "who is God?" "God is all the love in the world, said Mommy, "He in you and in me and in everybody everywhere."

That night, Emma had a dream about an angel. The angel said,"Emma, God has sent you to earth. He is always with you. He is in your heart. He will always be there to take care of you and tell you what to do whenever you have a question."

The next morning Emma asked Mommy what the angel had meant. Mommy said, "The angel was telling you to trust God, Emma. God is always with us. Everyday tell God how you feel. God always hears you and sees you, darling. Whenever you need anything, just ask God for help. Everyday tell him how much you love him. That's what it means to pray to God."

The rest of the book is very good, but you see what was happening. He had reminded me that He is at work and in control, even when it is impossible to see. He cares, He listens, and He knows. If nothing else, it's given me strength and patience to hold on for a while longer and wait on His timing.

Please be praying with us for an answer to this problem....by medicine or miracle...Braydon will be healed.....AGAIN!