Gimme a break...

Well we are at another "place" (if you will) in Braydon's treatment. And it looks like this...

Our last attempt at treating Braydon's seizures has been different from what we have tried over the last year. Because we had been unsuccessful at finding a medication to treat the seizures and because prayers haven't been answered YET...we decided to follow the advice of a doctor whose literature we had been reading. It was basically a no risk attempt. We simply changed our diets (which was a good thing no matter what), to a gluten-free, casein-free (dairy-free), whole foods diet. No breads, pastas, cakes, cookies, crackers, milk, yogurt, cheese etc. Pretty much only fruits, veggies and organic meats, a few beans and eggs, but that's it. Along with that he began taking all-natural plant and vegetable derived supplements. He was also seeing a chiropractor twice a week, and receiving adjustments that would hopefully help reduce seizure activity. The doctor whose literature we had been following recommended these three things: the diet changes, the supplements and the chiro. The articles stated that 60% of children with tremors, shakes, epilepsy, etc, who tried this combination, had seen a drastic reduction, if not total elimination of seizures. Pretty good odds right? Well, we gave it our best shot....stuck to it and didn't budge once.

Several hundred dollars later and a frustrating 6 weeks of drastically changing every one's lifestyle....Braydon was having slightly increased seizure activity and was unable to use the bathroom without help. It did not work!

Like everything else we've tried for over a year....IT DID NOT WORK!!! During this time our level of frustration and uncertainty and desperation to help our son peaked. We were driving to three different towns, four days a week and our situation was looking slightly worse than it did before. We were all frustrated and exhausted (especially Braydon) from spending most of our week in the car traveling from town to town or in doctors office waiting rooms. When everyone in my home is frustrated and on edge and losing their temper, I know something has to give.

Over a conversation of hard truth and warm tears, Jacoby and I decided it was time to pull the plug on all of it. We decided it was once again time to place it FULLY in God's hands, to take a step back and just say..."OK God, we aren't looking to "the next big thing" to fix him, but only looking for YOU to do what YOU need to do here. But please know that we are so tired. Tired of you doing something in our lives and with our son, tired of being the great parental example everyone pats us on the back for, tired of trying everything within our grasps and nothing working out and tired of praying about something so big and getting so little answers. WE ARE JUST TIRED! WE NEED A BREAK!" And then I wanted to scream..."Do you hear me?"...but I didn't. Sadly, the truth is that some time ago I did stop praying for healing and started praying for a break for all of us. I felt like we needed that more. We feel like for six years now, we've just been trying to keep him alive, scrambling around looking for anything that we help him and establish some normalcy for us all.

Once I let all the appts go and made some small changes back into our "normal" routine, I began to be able to listen again and stop screaming and crying at God. And it became clear to me that we have received our "break". You see, God is still going to heal Braydon of these seizures one day, and he's not freaking out like me because he already knows what day it will happen. And during this whole trial (which is drawing us closer to him to begin with-James Ch 1) I've been looking for a break that fit into my expectations while over-looking all the breaks we've been given. {It's fitting to substitute the word "break" for "blessing" here-I just happened to be using the word break while praying due to my level of anger and desperation}
Yeah my son has seizures and I need that to be over with, that's what my "break" looks like. But maybe the breaks I'm not even looking at or being thankful for is the fact that he is still alive and with me. I mean, I do have friends who have buried their children. Maybe the break I'm missing is the fact that we have the finances to go out and try just about any hair-brained idea we want to to treat the seizures. Maybe the break I'm overlooking is the fact that if we don't have the money to try something we think will help our child, we know several people who would see to it that we did have it. I have a friend on Facebook right now, facing a similar situation, that doesn't have this luxury. Maybe what I'm forgetting is that I have a child who is able to run and play and laugh with his friends, seizures and all, and is not confined to a wheelchair or unable to communicate effectively with others. You see, I have a friend whose son can best be described by the latter part of that sentence. Maybe its something so small and so far pushed back into the back of my mind, something like the fact that I was even able to get pregnant and give birth to a beautiful child to begin with!! TWICE! I have friends who have no children of their own.

I've received my break. I've gotten my blessings...more than I deserve. And He just keeps on pouring them out on me while some days I don't even notice. Ever have days like that?